I dreamed about homeownership for years. The reality isn’t what I expected |

Closing on my mortgage almost three years ago felt surreal. I was 31 and holding a key to my own condominium in the heart of Seattle, a mere half mile from the Space Needle. I bought it alone, joining the growing number of single women purchasing homes — such an inspirational demographic to be a part of.

Buying a home was a dream of many, many years come true. But as it became reality, the real cost of what I’d given up for homeownership began to show — and it felt steep.

I still love my home. I wanted a place to call my own, and that’s what I have. So please don’t take what I’m going to say next as an attempt to dissuade you from shopping for a house. Take it as an opportunity to challenge your expectations. 

Here’s what many think homeownership is like — and how my experiences differed from what I’d expected. 

The rosy expectations of homeownership

I’ve been covering personal finance for a while now, and I hear and read a lot of assumptions and even advice on homeownership that lack nuance or are outdated. Here are some that my own experience has proved wrong. 

Mortgage costs are comparable to rent payments

There used to exist the notion that mortgage payments are more affordable than rent. Or at the very least, the costs seemed comparable. 

Today, however, that’s simply not the case.

On average, renting is cheaper than paying a mortgage in all 50 of the largest U.S. metros, according to Bankrate’s Rent vs. Buy Study. Seattle is in the top three metros with the widest rent-buy gaps. It currently sits at 119.5%: The typical monthly rent is $2,265, compared to a typical monthly mortgage payment of $4,971.

That’s not as bad in my case, it seems. Zillow tells me renting my apartment would cost me about 73% less than what I’m currently paying for my mortgage. Still, that number makes me want to cry just a little.

Oh, the perfumed halls. The shiny white countertops.

Additionally, as a homeowner, you’re on the hook for expenses not included in your payment, such as maintenance and repairs. This makes me almost grateful for homeowners association (HOA) dues. Last year, my roof leaked, and I didn’t have to worry about paying anything. My condo’s HOA hired and paid contractors. Unlike single-family home owners, I’m only responsible for what’s inside my home (of course, even that has the potential to deplete my savings one day in the future).

Your mortgage payment should be 30% of your income

The traditional guideline is to keep your housing payment at 30% of your gross income or less. In the current housing market, however, that’s increasingly impossible in many metro areas. A typical U.S. household needs to spend 43% of their gross (before tax) income to afford a median-priced home, according to Bankrate’s 2025 Housing Affordability Analysis. 

That’s only a little more than what I spend. That means after taxes, more than half of my monthly paycheck goes toward my condo payment. I don’t exactly live paycheck to paycheck, but I also struggle to save money like I used to. I might very well be “house poor” — and that’s the only way I can be a homeowner where I live. 

Your house payments won’t go up

The gripe many people have with renting is that the monthly payment tends to increase every year. A mortgage payment, which includes interest and principal, remains consistent throughout the life of the mortgage. That consistency might be appealing, but don’t count on your housing payment remaining unchanged.

Besides your mortgage payment, monthly housing costs also include home insurance, property taxes and — in cases such as mine — HOA fees. These costs have gone up every year since I bought my place, and they currently comprise about 35% of my monthly housing payment. I don’t expect any of them to come down.

Buying a house is a sure way to build wealth

One of the most-touted advantages of homeownership is the opportunity it offers to build wealth. Every time you make a mortgage payment, you contribute toward your equity. It’s a way to build generational wealth. The numbers seem to confirm this idea: Homeowners’ median net worth is considerably higher at around $396,500, compared to the $10,410 median net worth of renters, according to Federal Reserve data

I remain hopeful as I look at these statistics. It’s not always easy as I watch my estimated home value fluctuate on Redfin — which is $15,000 less than what I bought it for, at the moment. 

It’s also not easy because of the way mortgage amortization works. At first, when your loan balance is largest, most of your money goes toward interest. To illustrate, last year, I paid almost $4,100 toward my principal balance and close to $26,000 in interest. Over the years, the principal portion will increase, but it will take another 18 years for it to become the larger part of my payment. 

Eighteen years. I am 33. Eighteen years ago, I was a teenager, worried only about my grades in math and whether I’d catch my favorite rock band’s video on MTV. This kind of timeframe is hard to comprehend when you’re talking about debt, especially the type that keeps your home as collateral. 

You can simply refinance to save on interest

“Marry the house, date the rate” is a popular phrase in today’s housing industry. It means you should choose a property you can see yourself settling in without feeling as committed to the mortgage with its interest rate. After all, when rates fall, you can always refinance: take out a new mortgage to replace the existing one. If you get a lower interest rate, your monthly payment will be lower, and you’ll pay less in the long run as well. 

This sounds simple in theory, but there’s nuance. 

First, most lenders require that you have at least 20% equity to refinance, or loan-to-value (LTV) ratio of 80% or lower. I only put down 3% when I got my mortgage, and the potential decrease in my home’s value doesn’t help my LTV ratio either. Besides, rates haven’t dropped enough since I purchased my condo for me to consider a refi. And there’s no saying whether they’ll go much lower. After all, the historical average is 7.71%, according to Freddie Mae. 

Finally, refinancing comes with closing costs, meaning you need to have a few thousand dollars you can spare — which I don’t. And it’s not a priority for me to save up that money, as I’m much more concerned about getting my emergency fund from three to six months’ worth of basic expenses.

That means refinancing might be out of the picture for me, at least for a good while.

Buying a home shouldn’t only be an investment

If you’re looking at your first home purchase purely as an investment, the reality of homeownership might disappoint you. The housing market is rather brutal, and the return on your investment isn’t as guaranteed as you might think — at least, not in the short term. Plus, you might have to give up the quality of life that renting provides. 

Besides, a house isn’t the only thing you can invest in. If you continue to rent, don’t let that stop you from growing your wealth, whether through investing in the stock market, buying bonds or even just building a CD ladder. There are plenty of options outside of real estate for building wealth.

As for buying your first home, treat it as a lifestyle choice — as gaining a place where you’ll want to settle for years. That gives your potential sacrifices a meaning and gives you enough time to build considerable equity. 

The bottom line

Despite all the struggle, my home is a point of pride for me. I don’t think as much about when I can refinance as I do about all the upgrades I want to make. I’m not too concerned about immediate home value fluctuations because I’m not planning on going anywhere for at least a decade. 

I like it because it’s mine. My home allows me to feel rooted, a true part of the community invested in its future. It’s a place that keeps me grounded after renting so many different apartments in so many places.

That is one thing you can expect from homeownership. If that’s what you want, it might be a good choice for you too.